PAINTBALL
Two gangsters are hiding behind a derelict car. They are wearing masks. They are heavily armed and they are trying to shoot me. I am pinned down behind some tyres and black hornets (black hornets? Really?-M) are humming past my head. Things are looking very grim. Luckily for me Mary is a crack shot. She takes one of them out with a shot to the head. The other quickly surrenders (that was a different game, Dad!-M). She lifts up her mate and they come out with their hands up. Good has triumphed again (Good? Good?!?! You take head shots. SERIOUSLY!!! AND you're shooting kids!! YOU are DEFINITELY the bad guys!-M). When they get close enough, Matilda pulls off her mask and spits paint and blood. She and her mother leave the combat zone. The best way to describe paintball is to say 'Ouch.' It is great fun until you get shot. I have a cousin - Michael Conlan - who could serve a tennis ball close to 200km an hour. One day when we were playing doubles his serve hit me in the back. No actually, that didn't hurt as much as being shot in paintball. (woose. Try getting stomped on by a horse.-M) Imagine playing squash and a big strong man really belts the ball right into you or actually hits you with his racquet. That would be pretty close to the pain. (Again. Woose.-M) The girls are a bit shaken up by how much it hurts. But Sy, the guy who runs Sycosis convinces them to have another go. This time we head back to the tyre arena and I hide behind the car. Boy versus girls. (PLEASE!! We were raring to go!-M) There is something about your family trying to shoot you. Now I know how Jesse James felt. I focus most of my shots at Mary. She quickly gets sick of that and shoots me in the head. Game over. (Two words: we win!!;)-M) The girls are much happier after a snack so we go into the forest. This is heaps fun. It is Josie and I versus Matilda and Mary. Matilda shoots me in the leg and bounces another ball off the top of my head but there is no paint so I'm not out. We fight it out running and diving behind logs until The M and M's surrender (we didn't surrender- we ran out of paint!! Big. Difference.-M). Then they call out that they have run out of bullets. Josie and I have two left each. Victory! We head back to base camp and refuel. We drink water and eat chocolate. We fill the guns with paint balls and add air to the pressure tanks. Fully armed and reloaded we head back into the Boreal forest. Within minutes the M and M's have me pinned down and eating dirt. I can't move from behind the shelter of my logs and Josie has disappeared. I begin to think this is it. Pretty soon they will ask me to surrender or shoot me close up. I don't want to think about that sort of pain so I get up and run. The forest is starting to look like a Jackson Pollack painting. Black hornets (stop it with the black hornets!!-M) rip through the leaves about my head. Josie bursts through the trees. She has flanked them. Her gun sings a little song of pain and Mary yells, 'Ahhh Got me! Trapped on both sides, Till tries to run. I shoot her in the back. 'OWWWWWA!' ( that is NOT what i said!!-M) Victory! We rest on some old logs. Matilda rubs her shoulder and Mary rubs her butt. They are keen for revenge. We head back out into the forest and we shoot it out until Josie trips and falls so hard that some of the balls in her gun bust and her gun blocks. The M and M's are charging through the forest. We swap guns. Josie covers me while I clean her gun. I can hear her gun spat, spat, spat. Paint rips through the trees on my left. It's Matida. There is nowhere for me to go. I screw the barrel on the almost clean gun and charge at Mary. Pow, pow, pow. Mary Turns and from the hip shoots me in the head, twice! (Ha!! Serves you right!;)-M) Josie holds them off and finally surrenders when she has run out of ammo. It turns out they have run out of ammo too but they win. Rats, if Josie could have made it to me and got her old gun back we could have won that round too! (again- serves you right!-M) So at the end of the day, Mary the pacifist, has at least 4 head shots to her tally. Thank God for the face masks! Josie and Matilda were both hit several times and were still keen to play and claim they would play again. After a day of diving through the forest and being shot I am covered in bruises and splinters. I am not so sure that I'll play again. One word: ouch! |